"Good Grief"

Families find comfort in personalized funerals

Some people prefer to hear traditional hymns like "Amazing Grace" or "How Great Thou Art" played during a funeral. But those with a sense of humour might choose "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen.

Catering to this type of variety is the reason I have become a Funeral Celebrant, especially for the deceased who don't consider themselves religious or the families that don't consider themselves religious. What brings comfort for one doesn't necessarily work for another, but every tribute should be a celebration of love and of the person's life. I like to help families and friends create non-religious memorials and services for a dead loved one.

The emphasis away from religious symbols and ritual doesn't mean I won't include favourite prayers in services, but they're included only at the request of the family. If someone has a history of Christian faith and the family wants to integrate a prayer into the service, I'll gladly do that. But it is not up to me to add it on my own. It's up to the family. Everyone has a different perception of death.

From the moment we are born, death is an ever-present reality. Many experience discomfort and even fear, looking long and hard at death. One's faith, whatever its form, can help face this reality. As part of an ongoing process that includes all matter, we stand before that process with awe, respect, and reverence. We can face the mystery of life and death with full knowledge and awareness of life's limitations and say that it is marvelous to be here. Although we may not know what, if anything, lies beyond earthly life, we all claim our place in the interconnected and interdependent web of life, which supports and sustains us, ----revives and renews us.

To say this is to make an affirmation of faith; it is to choose to affirm life in the face of death. The interdependent web casts a shadow, and that shadow is death. In the middle ages, people would greet one another by saying, "Memento Mori" - remember death. It is not only possible, it is wise, to remember death by living deeply and well.

The work of a Funeral Celebrant is unique in that it is the work of making sense out of a life. Through the sharing of lives, people learn about the gifts of life, and even the monsters who hide in the shadows. It is not comforting to tell those who are grieving that they will grow from their sorrow. Early in the grief process, in the "letting go", it is of the highest importance to resist making any suggestion that there might be a positive aspect to loss. However, no-one remains the same.

"Good Grief" can be the road to a new life, not a life we would have chosen had the choice been ours, but a life in which we can again find love and life. And perhaps, for the very first time we come to understand what the Psalmist meant when he said:

"Yea, though I WALK THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death."

The important words are "WALK THROUGH." One "walks through." No-one remains where you were. By `walking through' all our exits can become entrances. The life-urge to reassemble the fragments of our lives into a whole continues. Being alive is being fully human, including facing the shadows for that is when we are fully and deeply alive.

What Is A Funeral Celebrant?

A Celebrant helps plan and present personalized memorials, celebrations of life, and funeral services. Celebrants are facilitators, attentive and sensitive interviewers, creative writers, professional public speakers, loss and grief educators, and ceremonial leaders. A binding Code of Ethics maintains confidentiality with individuals and families.

As a Celebrant and ceremonial leader, I offer creative, alternative, ceremonies to those who want to honour the life of a deceased loved one. The Ceremonies may or may not be religious in nature, but are both deeply moving and meaningful for those who are bereaved.

Why Have A Celebrant?

An increasing number of Canadians say they are non-religious and define their spirituality in different ways. A funeral, memorial, or celebration of life service that reflects an individual's lifestyle and personality, often mirrors his or her spiritual nature. The friends and family of the deceased often wish to participate in the planning and presentation of a personalized end of life ceremony, but are uncertain how to do so. They may be uncomfortable with public speaking and/or speaking publicly about death and loss. This is where the Celebrant can help.

I have been serving the GLBT community since 2001 and am sensitive to, and skilled at assisting people of mixed cultures and religions for funerals, memorials, and Celebrations of Life.

We gather in grief, in promise,
in love, and in hope,
IN THE MIDST OF SORROW,
WE GIVE THANKS FOR LIFE.